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The Official Statement of The Greatest COW
Heavy Weight Champion
Of All Time:
In my last "Official Statement," I made some comments about how appreciative
I was for the support of the fans. Well guess what? Those previous statements I made were all lies! I was the ONLY
reason I became and stayed the COW Champion for so long. I am the one who climbed the ladder of success all by myself.
I give no credit to anyone except me! I am the reason I became champion. I defeated that stupid punk Senor Sexxxay clean without
the help of my so-called fans. I got no reaction or support from the fans when I became champion. What have they ever done
for me? Have they put money in my pocket? No!!!
I am the reason for all my success and riches. Screw the fans. They
haven’t done anything for me.
I am the longest reigning and defending COW Champion there has ever
been. No one can say that I haven’t defended the title more times with more honor and appreciation than practically all of
the COW superstars. I lived and breathed for that title day in and day out. I really cared for the fans, but the fans cared NOTHING
for all I had done for them! They didn’t care that I sweat and bled for them every single night I wrestled! When I lost
the title in that Three Way Iron Man match to a guy like Political Fuckin’ Steve, I was devastated. The belt was everything
to me and I lost it. It meant the world to me. It’s like losing a child in a car wreck! It wasn’t supposed to happen damn it! It was
a fluke, a mistake! But as I was lying there in defeat, I realized one thing... I heard the fans react to their new champion.
Their hysterical cheering and excitement swarmed throughout my body. Their vigorous applauding beat louder and harder and louder
in my head. That was when I realized that the fans didn’t care about me at all. That is when I KNEW I hated them. They
don’t care about me...soooo I don’t care ANYTHING for them! I HATE the fans! I despise them all.
Whenever I see them now, I get sick to my stomach. I feel like vomiting
all over their fickle bastard faces! They want a fan favorite? They want a hero? Well, they WILL NOT get that from me anymore.
I am going to concentrate on myself from now on. MY NEEDS, not the fans needs, will be met! So, I have joined the
most despised group in COW today, the most hated pieces of shit in COW history. I have become Anti-American, Anti-Freedom,
and Anti-Good... I have become sheer EVIL! I
am everything the fans hate... I am Pro-Terrorism, Pro-Evil, and Pro-Hatred!!!
The fans should have appreciated me... They should have realized their mistake in turning on me. So, I turn on
them by joining the group in COW I hate the most, but now
feel a common bond with.
You see, we have a common goal. I have joined Fate, The Taliban Warrior,
Palestinian Prince, and The Iraqi Assassin in an attempt to destroy what the fans love the most: the freedoms of America
and the heroes they all share! Oooh, I WILL return
and become the COW Heavy Weight Champion once again. Somewhere down
the line, I will regain my damn championship title! But until then there is one thing that is most definitely true...
I am the best damn COW Champion there is, was and forever
will be. I am the BEST, damn it all!!!
The Best Damn COW Heavy Weight Champion EVER, Justice! Date: 09/16/2003
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